The Tao that can be told, is not the eternal Tao.
The name that can be named; is not the eternal name.
The Tao is both named and nameless
As nameless it is the origin of all things;
as named it is the Mother of 10,000 things.
Ever desireless, one can see the mystery;
ever desiring, one sees only the manifestations.
And the mystery itself is the doorway
to all understanding.
Lao-tzu

This blog began as a dedication to gratitude, the power of the prayer, the witness of daily miracles. I usually draft write, then see what happens in a week to try and communicate truth in whichever way it shows up. This one is about dichotomy.

The introduction of the Tao audibly entered my realm shortly after this first draft, and in revising it, I couldn’t make the comparison between gratitude and the Tao, but knew it was an important share for this month.

I was fortunate enough to join a group of women on the Spring Equinox where we celebrated in communion around yoga, breathwork, vulnerability and the sacred. 

The celebration was organized at Valaterra in Oldham County. Road closures on the way in gifted me the chance to retrace backroads I took in high school when we’d bust out around 3:30 to smoke camel lights between school ending and volleyball practice beginning. We drove entirely too fast with wind in our hair and music blaring. 
Reminiscing about our limitless offered an opportunity to thank the angels who’ve surrounded me all my life as the opening to that magical day.

The Thursday before that event, I’d had dinner with 2 friends I don’t see on the regular. They often hold massive space for me in these encounters, and I was so grateful for enjoying a meal where I didn’t bring all the drama. Then I lost my phone and spent the last 2 hours of the evening chasing them down to find it, retracing my steps all over Louisville. 

Five minutes from home, I started praying out loud in my car around all the things I was grateful for, my health, the health of my family, our car, our home. I was being intentional about switching the vibration of grief from the possibility of having to replace the life that lives in that little black box. After that gratitude prayer, I reached down between my seat and the console to put my hand on my phone. 

So many gifts.

A day after the Equinox, I found out that someone I care for very much lost her daughter suddenly. A week later, my husband lost his right hand man at work. Both of these humans were young, died suddenly, and the pain surrounding their loss has been felt deeply. 

The woman who led our yoga class on the 20th spoke to the dichotomy of the day, the masculine/feminine aspects of what we experienced together, and I understand that to be where truth lies. In the balance in between. 

In writing this today I wanted to share more around the truth of dichotomy, and I find myself telling stories yet again. But here’s a link if you’d like to understand it more through words. It does a nice job from that perspective.

For me, truth lies in the mystery. 

Miracles happen every day and sometimes we’re lucky enough to witness them. The practice of gratitude puts us in alignment with the Holy. Death, the natural life-cycle of living, can be so gut wrenchingly sad that it takes our breath away.
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Somewhere between right and wrong there is a garden. I will meet you there. - Rumi

In a time and space where the world became still one year ago, Louisville remained in the center. A young wise woman once told me Louisville is a vortex, a place that attracts energy in an effort to transform, to morph into it’s highest potential. ​

This has been affirmed by naturalists who point out the age of our land as some of the oldest in the world. By the massive healing community we have considering our geographical location and size, and by the events of 2020, both when the world experienced a pandemic and the death of Breonna Taylor that brought eyes and hearts to Louisville, carving a place in history around the civil rights movement.

We saw people caring for one another and neighbors coming together in ways we haven’t witnessed in years.

Our city was torn apart by racial injustice systemic to our local government and every other structure that forms our community while Black leadership continues to influence the very essence of who we are and what it means to see one another.

We softened our judgement around having an illness or wearing masks or feeling sad.

Our planet stopped vibrating.

We experienced grief at a level we never new possible while so many gifts of what truly matters in a life previously constructed around superficial means were recognized.

We all stand in ourselves differently; humbled, wounded, and possibly stronger than ever in who we are and how we wish to show up in this life.

We’ve been operating from a state of chronic trauma and this is going to take some time to heal. Some in recovery say the real work starts after the first year of sobriety. Here we are.

As we shift once more, it is critical that we continue to bring grace to our experiences, to allow space for one another as each of our processes looks different, and when inevitably disrupted, to allow that space for oneself. I want to invite you to work with us in a way that can help in this space.
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When I searched for an iconic photo that would represent the world perspective of the last year, I was brought back home. The GOAT, the globally loved Muhammed Ali, who stood for justice and freedom from this vortex community, shining light to the lives lost from the pandemic. We have the opportunity to rebirth in a way that is revolutionary - if we choose.

Alright y’all, confession time. As I was writing this, I quickly saw that I have SO many thoughts around this idea of community love. I keep going back through my words to connect the pieces in hopes they’ll make sense to you, dear reader. It’s hard to do, but every time I make some sort of connection with these ideas, I feel this deep sense of “ah-ha!” Clarity; understanding. I desperately want this to make sense, because to feel connected to you, we both need you to understand where I’m coming from. When I stop and think about it, isn’t that all any of us wants? To be understood and feel connected to one another? To have our needs met? When I put it like that, it doesn’t seem like a tall order to fill. And yet, when I look at our community as a whole and see where things are not well, many of the problems can be traced to a lack of understanding, connection, and needs being met. There is a glaring absence of love. But how do we fix this?
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I like to look to the natural world for answers to human problems. In college, I enthusiastically committed myself to ecology, the study of the relationships among and between organisms and their environment. This concept that all living creatures, regardless of their size, function, chemical makeup, etc., have the ability to have a profound effect on everything else around it, was a beautiful mind-f*** for me.

Excuse me while I nerd out for a second. So, in ecological terms, a community is an association of multiple populations within a shared geographical area. Community ecologists study the health of these systems, carefully observing how each facet of the ecosystem is faring. They can usually tell pretty quickly when something is off, as when one or multiple parts are not getting their needs met in order to thrive, this usually affects the entire ecosystem. After identifying that, okay, something is not working here, these scientists get to work – which populations are being affected the most? What needs are not getting met? How can we fix and adjust these systems to not only get this community back into equilibrium, but keep it that way? Answering these questions requires a ton of patience and attention to detail. You have to both zoom in and zoom out. Remember, everything affects everything else!

Why am I talking about this? Take a second and think about who in our community is not being understood, connected with, getting their needs met. The pandemic has cost many their jobs, security, mental and physical health. The call for social justice in all its forms is the loudest it's been in a long time. The need to escape through alcohol, drugs, social media, literally anything to help numb the pain, has been a rampant problem in our community for a long time. People are hurting all over, and when one part of the population suffers, we’re all affected by it. Our ecological community of human beings will only be able to heal and re-enter equilibrium when everybody gets what they need to thrive. Except there are no community ecologists to do this for us – we have to do this work ourselves.

So then, what’s the answer? How do we begin to fix these systems? I think the short answer is love. Bear with me, I don’t think we can simply throw thoughts and prayers into the universe and expect anything to actually happen. But it’s going to require a lot of willingness to understand where other people are at before we can make effective change, which can only happen if we’re coming from a place of love. This is where it gets complicated. If you don’t love and respect your own self, it’s going to be extremely difficult to love and respect another.

Think of our inner worlds as their own ecosystems! Everything is ecosystems with me, it’s like inception. Humor me for a second and think of your inner world as a forest. Let’s take oak trees, for example, which provide food for deer, housing for birds, and shade for undergrowth. If the oak tree population represents your self-esteem, and the population is in decline, then it’s going to greatly reduce the amount of deer (making positive decisions for yourself), birds (healthy relationships), and new foliage (learning and enjoying new hobbies) that thrive in the forest. Everything is connected. We have to do our own work and be our own ecologists and get to the bottom of where our own needs lie. We have to get our own internal ecosystems into equilibrium to help heal what’s outside of us.

It takes a courageous soul to look inward and accept the parts of themselves that try to hide from the world, while daring to like the parts they had been led to believe were inferior. It takes a lot of vulnerability, humility, and a willingness to be honest with ourselves and accept that some of the things we’ve been led to believe about ourselves and others around us may not be true. But I believe every single one of us deserves to find that light within, to see our value, and in turn, see the value in others. If we want to see our community thrive, we owe it to each other to do this work. Much like an ecosystem, real, lasting change comes from the inside out.

My favorite tradition in finishing the year is snuggling up with Jose and Lena Stevens’ Power Path Trends Forecast. It’s a personality profile for the next year and offers great insight to what we can expect to work with energetically and how to show up to remain centered through it all. It is only $15 for over two hours of audio content and so much fun to digest and absorb!

At this point in the year, I think we’re all ready to ring in 2021 with hope and optimism. Let’s do that! Let’s also stay rooted in the reality that we are responsible for creating the life we want to live despite outside circumstances.

Trust has been coming up a lot lately, specifically around all of the fear that has surfaced around the election, the New Year, our economy, and the continuing evolution of the pandemic we’re in. A few months ago I heard Carolyn Myss say that you have to be able to trust yourself to have any idea what to trust outside of yourself. And to do this, you must commit to something. It doesn’t have to be anything big, a 10 minute walk every day, but that one thing needs to be consistently done every day.

The reason for this is to show yourself that you’re worth it. You’re worth that 10 minute walk, because you said you’d do it, and by showing up for yourself, you know you can rely on yourself when you start to question your circumstances.

This couldn’t be more critical right now when part of the energy of next year consists of passionate action. This means we’re all going to be active in our opinions and outward expressions, and the only way to continue to remain centered (at peace) through this noise, is to continue to go inward. ​

Going inward means blocking out the world: quieting the mind through meditation, slowing down, journaling, doing sessions at the Cave. The world taught us quite a bit this year about what it means to stop the rat race. We need more of this, more intentionality, more stillness, even if it’s only a few minutes a day.

Learning to trust yourself is the first step in not being swayed by outside influence that may or may not be correct, anything from conspiracy theories to government mandates. Now is the time to go inward, stay centered, and root down.

This reminded me of a TED Talk I referenced a while back by Kathryn Shulz on being wrong. We don’t like to be wrong, we feel bad once we realize we’re wrong because of conditioning, but the irony in it all is that until it’s pointed out to us that we’re wrong, we feel right.

Right or wrong, black or white, it might be easier if things become a little more grey for us in the coming months. Not to say don’t stand by your convictions, but remember to stay rooted in love. Let’s keep learning and practicing the art of listening to one another.

Jose’ kicks off the trends talk by saying that we’re going to spend the next 4-7 years recovering from 2020. 2021 is our first year in recovery. Recovery requires many acts of grace, community support, and a commitment to ourselves. Let’s be intentional about going inward so we can create a healthier environment for future generations.

“If you really want to rediscover wonder, you need to step outside of that tiny, terrified space of rightness and look around at each other and be able to say, ‘I don’t know. Maybe I’m wrong.’” - Kathryn Shulz

John and I had the opportunity to rent a tandem bike for the afternoon recently and my inner child was at play for the day. I honestly don’t remember the last time I’d laughed that hard. I had limited visibility (mostly of his back) and no control which was a joke in itself, so I just pedaled and provided commentary. We took her across the Big Four Bridge to the Falls of the Ohio where the water was so low we could nearly cross the river on foot. We marveled at the age of the fossils we stood above, and breathed deeply the beauty around us.

These are the days of Coronavirus. The Leo Weekly recently published people’s best and worst about Coronavirus and I loved peoples interpretations. Unknown was listed in the worst section, and I nodded in agreement fully. In reflection, this could also be the best part about the entire pandemic. We know nothing, so all we can do right now is the best we know how, which really does make us #inthistogether. 

How is this trauma going to affect us long-term? What coping skills are we learning? Is compassion going to actually have it’s place? We are going through an awakening and the advice from all of the sages is to get serious about being present with ourselves - the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Caroline Myss says we’re moving from the time of the guru, where we expect a savior, something outside of ourselves to come and save us, to waking the inner child, where we’re going to rely on ourselves to be that saving grace.

Sonja Grace writes that we’re entering the dark night of the soul and we must nurture the inner child in order to do the transformational work into adulthood. The Power Path has put out monthly forecasts all year about tenacity and the need to keep going no matter what.

There have been moments during this pandemic where I’ve been deep in the inner work, nearly neglecting the other aspects of my responsibilities. There’ve been points of creativity where I’ve put to use the inspired action born of such times. And there’ve been the times where I’ve been gentle, giving myself a pass because we’re all walking around with trauma brain at the moment still trying to function in old ways of doing things.

During all of this, the intention of grace and resilience through prayer and tenacity have been foundational in getting me through. The gift of a tandem bike ride across the Ohio carries me for months.

In reviewing some old journals recently, I realized how prevalent gratitude is when I write freely. It surprised me. I really am a grateful person. It feels lost among the doubt that I can swim in on some pandemic days. So much so I considered not posting this blog in an attempt to only speak truth. It needs to be stated, and we need to remain focused on gratitude to create the future we want to be a part of.

Thanksgiving and the holiday season is going to look a bit different this year, and it could be our best chance to spend time in appreciation for our lives. How can you nurture your inner child so that you’re able to navigate continual change? How can you bring joy to your day? It seems that we do agree in some areas - the smallest things bring us the most happiness. As another great advisor always says; more of that, please.

I’m writing to you on a full moon, the energy is high and it’s taken more work than usual to find centeredness. I’m always searching and enjoy the journey.​

I want to discuss the fear pandemic. These times aren’t going anywhere anytime soon. I pray for the pandemic to wane, the civil rights movement is creating deep progressive change and our wounds continue to cry out for healing. It’s as if the work just gets more and more intimate.

We wake up every day with a choice. We can choose to be fueled in anger and frustration and resentment, or we can choose to see what the mirror is reflecting back to us and turn inward for salvation. As we move into this great awakening, there is only one resource to turn to for guidance, and that’s you.

Listening to an excerpt about the Law of One, the discussion was around True Freedom. This is the freedom found when you find your own way of being instead of following they. This is speaking (lovingly and constructively) how you truly feel without shame and fear.

We’re heading into a political season, God help us. If there is ever a time to turn inward and stop listening to the noise outside, it is now. The world around us is crazy right now, there’s no need to welcome negative external influences. Shut that shit down. You are the only person in control of what you allow in.

I’m turning inward for feedback these days and it feels like learning to walk again. I stumble and fall and have to find the courage and strength to get back up and try again.

There’s a lot of prayer, a lot of grace, and a lot of tuning in to listen. This is often challenged by a busy mind, so part of that listening for me is finding the gift in the moment of beautiful distractions. This morning’s meditation was interrupted by the cat and my nearly 10 year old playing in front of me. I came out, played, and spent the morning I’d dedicated to my practice gently waking my kids and shuffling them out the door to stumble on their own.

Staying in the flow of life means letting go of the daily to-do lists. This seems impossible with work from home and home schooling and all the things we built our lives around up to this point. But what would happen if we unplugged; turned off the news, shut down social media, and said no to the 2-3 extra zoom calls we likely don’t need to be a part of?

The Cave was built with the intention of unplugging for 45 minutes. We now offer longer sessions because that simply isn’t enough time if you aren’t doing it daily. How can we rebuild our society where the need to unplug is lessened?

While our business is struggling during this pandemic, it still warms my heart to see Shelbyville Road slow at 7pm. It fills me with hope when I see a store owner whose business was vandalized talk about their broken window and lost merchandise not comparing to 400 years of oppression.

I’m here for it. I don’t know what that means, other than I’m going to do my best every day to tune in and ask what is mine to do and follow that over my to-do list. Let’s change the world together. Let’s take responsibility for what is showing up in our mirror, our shadow sides. Let’s stop blaming and start loving.

“I’ll just listen and wait for you” - Caroline Myss