John and I had the opportunity to rent a tandem bike for the afternoon recently and my inner child was at play for the day. I honestly don’t remember the last time I’d laughed that hard. I had limited visibility (mostly of his back) and no control which was a joke in itself, so I just pedaled and provided commentary. We took her across the Big Four Bridge to the Falls of the Ohio where the water was so low we could nearly cross the river on foot. We marveled at the age of the fossils we stood above, and breathed deeply the beauty around us.

These are the days of Coronavirus. The Leo Weekly recently published people’s best and worst about Coronavirus and I loved peoples interpretations. Unknown was listed in the worst section, and I nodded in agreement fully. In reflection, this could also be the best part about the entire pandemic. We know nothing, so all we can do right now is the best we know how, which really does make us #inthistogether. 

How is this trauma going to affect us long-term? What coping skills are we learning? Is compassion going to actually have it’s place? We are going through an awakening and the advice from all of the sages is to get serious about being present with ourselves - the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Caroline Myss says we’re moving from the time of the guru, where we expect a savior, something outside of ourselves to come and save us, to waking the inner child, where we’re going to rely on ourselves to be that saving grace.

Sonja Grace writes that we’re entering the dark night of the soul and we must nurture the inner child in order to do the transformational work into adulthood. The Power Path has put out monthly forecasts all year about tenacity and the need to keep going no matter what.

There have been moments during this pandemic where I’ve been deep in the inner work, nearly neglecting the other aspects of my responsibilities. There’ve been points of creativity where I’ve put to use the inspired action born of such times. And there’ve been the times where I’ve been gentle, giving myself a pass because we’re all walking around with trauma brain at the moment still trying to function in old ways of doing things.

During all of this, the intention of grace and resilience through prayer and tenacity have been foundational in getting me through. The gift of a tandem bike ride across the Ohio carries me for months.

In reviewing some old journals recently, I realized how prevalent gratitude is when I write freely. It surprised me. I really am a grateful person. It feels lost among the doubt that I can swim in on some pandemic days. So much so I considered not posting this blog in an attempt to only speak truth. It needs to be stated, and we need to remain focused on gratitude to create the future we want to be a part of.

Thanksgiving and the holiday season is going to look a bit different this year, and it could be our best chance to spend time in appreciation for our lives. How can you nurture your inner child so that you’re able to navigate continual change? How can you bring joy to your day? It seems that we do agree in some areas - the smallest things bring us the most happiness. As another great advisor always says; more of that, please.

I’m writing to you on a full moon, the energy is high and it’s taken more work than usual to find centeredness. I’m always searching and enjoy the journey.​

I want to discuss the fear pandemic. These times aren’t going anywhere anytime soon. I pray for the pandemic to wane, the civil rights movement is creating deep progressive change and our wounds continue to cry out for healing. It’s as if the work just gets more and more intimate.

We wake up every day with a choice. We can choose to be fueled in anger and frustration and resentment, or we can choose to see what the mirror is reflecting back to us and turn inward for salvation. As we move into this great awakening, there is only one resource to turn to for guidance, and that’s you.

Listening to an excerpt about the Law of One, the discussion was around True Freedom. This is the freedom found when you find your own way of being instead of following they. This is speaking (lovingly and constructively) how you truly feel without shame and fear.

We’re heading into a political season, God help us. If there is ever a time to turn inward and stop listening to the noise outside, it is now. The world around us is crazy right now, there’s no need to welcome negative external influences. Shut that shit down. You are the only person in control of what you allow in.

I’m turning inward for feedback these days and it feels like learning to walk again. I stumble and fall and have to find the courage and strength to get back up and try again.

There’s a lot of prayer, a lot of grace, and a lot of tuning in to listen. This is often challenged by a busy mind, so part of that listening for me is finding the gift in the moment of beautiful distractions. This morning’s meditation was interrupted by the cat and my nearly 10 year old playing in front of me. I came out, played, and spent the morning I’d dedicated to my practice gently waking my kids and shuffling them out the door to stumble on their own.

Staying in the flow of life means letting go of the daily to-do lists. This seems impossible with work from home and home schooling and all the things we built our lives around up to this point. But what would happen if we unplugged; turned off the news, shut down social media, and said no to the 2-3 extra zoom calls we likely don’t need to be a part of?

The Cave was built with the intention of unplugging for 45 minutes. We now offer longer sessions because that simply isn’t enough time if you aren’t doing it daily. How can we rebuild our society where the need to unplug is lessened?

While our business is struggling during this pandemic, it still warms my heart to see Shelbyville Road slow at 7pm. It fills me with hope when I see a store owner whose business was vandalized talk about their broken window and lost merchandise not comparing to 400 years of oppression.

I’m here for it. I don’t know what that means, other than I’m going to do my best every day to tune in and ask what is mine to do and follow that over my to-do list. Let’s change the world together. Let’s take responsibility for what is showing up in our mirror, our shadow sides. Let’s stop blaming and start loving.

“I’ll just listen and wait for you” - Caroline Myss

The fight to end the persecution of black people must bring change. I’m hopeful for that. 

I believe that we (white America) are generationally responsible for this. We wouldn’t be here if we hadn’t enforced slavery to begin with. Personally, I should have taken more time to listen, changed my priorities, and not looked away when things were said in my proximity. It starts with me.

In order to do this effectively and create positive change, we must try to come from a place of centeredness. 

According to the Tao, the middle is the way toward universal harmony. There are extremes in all circumstance and it is our purpose to constantly strive toward the center of our being to connect with this harmony. This doesn't mean sit on the fence, this means go inward to seek truth; let yourself be disrupted and seek the space between. This is where the truth of our being lives.

We must choose to be on the side of mercy, love, and grace, but in order to do this honestly we have to have a difficult confrontation to our contribution.

I have so much to learn and am committing myself to doing that. I’d like to share what one of my coaches, Jacque Saltsman, has gathered as resources to better understand.

She also suggests signing up for the Whiteness at Work class taking place next week. I’m registered. 

I believe that love will prevail through courageous acts of turning within and moving that understanding to action. I hope you join me. 
​
Jacque Saltsman Post from May 29

EDITED 6/2/20 * After several people asked to share this post publicly outside of Facebook, I wanted to make sure it is centered around and gives credit to the Black Women from which I have learned. Many are listed below, but especially Demetria Miles McDonald at Decide Diversity, Lettie Johnson at Gifted By Design Leadership & Consulting Firm, Desiree Adaway, Austin Channing Brown, and Roxane Gay.
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"But what can I do?" I can't tell you how many times I've asked myself that question or heard other people ask it. Well, the answer is: A LOT. There is a lot we can do. And WE (white America) are responsible for changing this. So, to my white friends, here are some ideas of what we can do. These are things I've learned from teachers and activists of color I've been following and learning from over the past few years. It's not comprehensive. It's a start. Please add more resources in the comments and I'll update the list.

TAKE ACTION.
Make the calls. Send the emails. Write the letters. Sign the petitions. March at the protests. It helps. Follow trustworthy sources who tend to have calls-to-actions in their posts (Shaun King, Black Lives Matter, Black Lives Matter Louisville, Showing Up for Racial Justice (SURJ), Louisville SURJ - (Showing Up for Racial Justice), Grassroots Law Project.

EDUCATE YOURSELF on systemic racism.
Read books like WHITE FRAGILITY (I can't recommend this one enough) by Robin DiAngelo, BIASED by Dr. Jennifer Eberhardt, ME & WHITE SUPREMACY by Layla F. Saad, I'M STILL HERE by Austin Channing Brown, STAMPED and HOW TO BE ANTIRACIST by Ibram X. Kendi.

HIRE PEOPLE OF COLOR to help you and your organization change. 
My local favorites are Decide Diversity and Lettie Johnson & SteVon Edwards-Mph with Gifted By Design Leadership & Consulting Firm.

LEARN ON SOCIAL MEDIA (AND PAY THEM FOR THEIR PROGRAMS). 
Fill your feeds (FB, Instagram, Twitter, LinkedIn) with activists and teachers who are doing this work. Some of my favorites are Layla F. Saad (IG @laylafsaad), Hannah Drake (IG @hannahdrake628), Desiree Adaway (IG @desireeadaway), Jessica Fish (IG @j.essicafish), Ericka Hart (IG @ihartericka), Roxane Gay (IG @roxanegay74), Ericka Hines (IG @divahines), Rachel Elizabeth Cargle (IG @rachel.cargel) Shaun King (IG @shaunking), Black Lives Matter (IG @blklivesmatter).
*There will be times when you will not like what they are saying. It will sting but stick with it. This isn't about your feelings. It's about dismantling racism. Sit with the hard questions and ask yourself how it's true for you.

CONSUME MEDIA (movies, tv, books, podcasts, music, art) written, directed, starring and featuring people who don't look like you. And not just about racial issues. And NOT movies made by white people about black people. If you like comedies, watch funny movies created by people of color. Same with books, podcasts and shows.

SAME WITH SOCIAL MEDIA
Make sure at least 1/4 of your feeds are from people who don't look like you. If you're into design, follow black designers. Same with cars, food, literally anything you are interested in.

SUPPORT BUSINESSES OWNED BY PEOPLE OF COLOR. 
Be intentional about where you spend your money. Think about where you eat, shop and who you do business with. If there aren't black people on that list, change it. (btw, If you haven't eaten at Lucretia's Kitchen, you are seriously missing out.)

GET SUPPORT
Reach out. Lean on each other. Engage your white friends who are also learning. (Check on your Black friends, but DO NOT go to them with your feelings of guilt, shame, fear or uncertainty).
This is hard work, but not nearly as hard as fearing for your life just because of the color of your skin.
#neverbesilent #dothework 
Lives depend on it.
If we don't have an intentional anti-racist plan for ourselves, our families and our businesses, then we are unintentionally perpetuating racism.
And THAT MUST STOP. NOW.
(I am still a toddler on this journey, but if I can help you in any way, please let me know.)

The beautiful thing about the world under quarantine is we’re finding new ways to connect and lift one another up. I was actually inspired by the commercials last night after tuning in to Survivor (it felt fitting).  ​

It seems that the Universe has delivered again when my focus for the year was to reign in energetically. This slowing down provides a gift of deliberate allowance for what needs to come up for us to work through. Aren’t we trying not to fall back into old patterns of doing things? Trying to find compassion and the beauty in each moment? We have to believe there is something bigger than any of us can comprehend waiting on the other side. 

In this place of uncertainty, one gift we can offer ourselves and community is allowance. There has been a strong desire to connect with you all, but we’re not sure how to do that when the Cave seems to be the place of refuge. We understand everyone is dealing with their own struggles around this displacement but we want your input on how to best serve you when we reopen. 

We decided to take preventative measures last week and close before any mandates came out because prevention and community are core values. The only thing known by Friday of last week was that we didn’t know enough, and it was best for us to step back to regroup so that we could serve our community on the back end of this thing. 

So that’s what we’re doing. We’re working on ensuring the safest possible environment for your salt therapy experience. This modality is going to be more essential than ever with the need for healthy lung and immune function being a priority for us all.

And we’re being very intentional with this recent gift of time. 

Our family has been reading The Giver this week. This futuristic world shelters their community from the pains and pleasures of life, because it makes for good order, but there was so much hidden from the people in the process. 

Our daily discussions around the story and what is happening in our world give us talking points about our ability to create freedom through choice and we’re learning so much from our children who provide unique perspectives.

The Four Agreements shares the wisdom of the Toltec who believe our dreams (conscious and unconscious) create our reality. If this is true, what do we have to learn from what we’ve created so far? What are you doing every day to create the future you want to be a part of? 

I want to know. And I want to slow down enough to love you through it all. 

Last month I mentioned Meggan Watterson talking about divinity running through her veins like honey, and it felt so real and truthful to me when I heard that. It tied directly into the work I was doing recently around awareness of acceptance and resistance within me. ​

I came to a point in the breath where I started to experience myself, feeling my intensity, and immediately began to resist it. Sometimes my intensity can feel like a bomb exploding and I’ve naturally built resistance to that. When I was able to catch it in that moment, it’s as if the honey jar broke, and it just started running through my veins. It consumed my being with a suppleness that is also me. That is how I know God within me, and it is available to me any time I can surrender in the moment. 

Honey is such a beautiful metaphor for our own divine nature. From a healing perspective, it has antimicrobial elements. It’s sweet, as is innocence, our true essence, and it is made by bees, which work in community for success of their collective. 

The honey is in the process. It’s the internal viewing that allows us to get glimpses of this gold, and know its truth or existence, so that we can bring just a piece of that in our day to day. 

I heard Jennifer Freed say recently, “When you’re so concerned with taking someone else’s inventory, it’s because you’re terrified to look at your own”. That is one powerful and truthful statement. The bomb I reference feels really out of control, but when I can slow down enough to recognize the implosion, and fall into it, the possibilities feel endless. We so often look outside ourselves for happiness or misery, what could unfold for us if we started looking within? 

An idea generated in the Meditation II class at the Passionist Earth and Spirit Center is from Galileo, the father of science. As a former monk, he researched What Does God know? To know what God knows, one can observe her creations. To know the gardener, study what she grows, and to know thyself, look within. 

Father Joe suggests in class that a goal of meditation is to be with pleasant without attachment, and to be with unpleasant without aversion. To neither avert the implosion or fall into the honey jar.

Our addiction to stimulation, whether that be happiness or suffering, is real. To simply be is boring, but it is in that boredom that glimpses of enlightenment come. In the nothing, there is everything. 

Finding stillness and quiet has been a constant quest for me over the past few weeks, and being a witness to the process allows for grace when honey seems far away. I can always fall into the words of Rumi when that occurs and bring a little sweetness to the present moment.  

“The ability to stand what one sees enables a woman to return to her deep nature, there to be sustained in all thoughts, feelings and actions.” - Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Ph.D.


I needed a break in the woods with the wild woman that is me and was able to take some time early last month to get in touch with her. I had the opportunity to read Women Who Run With the Wolves after carrying it around with me for 7 years. I thought I needed space to have an epiphany, to discover the next big thing, because I’ve been feeling the stirring, the shift taking place in my environment, and the message was strong and simple. 

I was woken up in the middle of the night by a lamp turning on in my cabin. It wasn’t until I was journaling about this that I understood the message was that when I deny my intuition, my divinity, I deny God. God was there, in my dreams, in my cells, and a light literally came on to get my attention.

I’ve been told this before, but having the message come direct made it stick. I came home with a focus on my family and my business and the desire to continue to appreciate the gift in each precious moment. 

I love how Estes always mentions the need to feel oneself. We are so quick to mask the intensity that is ourselves, but isn't this living? Depressed? Well let’s just fix that so you can get back to work. Overachiever? You are so successful! Nice? We have some work to do.

We are animals. We have instinctual nature that gives us information about how to live in this world, but we cover it up with pharmaceuticals, busyness and false representations of ourselves to make life easier. Is it really easier though? We only create more resistance in our lives when we cover up who we are to justify our place in the world, or overextend our personalities to make a claim for ourselves. You are enough and you are needed. 

What would happen if we just all fell into ourselves and lived from a place of being true to self first? Maybe we’d finally move to a 4-day work week. We’d have growing pains. We’d have radical forgiveness and softening of hearts and maybe the beginning of world peace. Is that where we’re headed? I think so. 

In a 2018 Speaker Series, Jacque Saltsman shared that we have four equally important tools that aid us in our decision making and living in the world. They are: the mind (thinking), emotions (feeling), body (sensing) and gut (intuiting). We have so much to gain as a culture that prioritizes mind over intuition and stillness. 

When we start to utilize all of these tools, there may be discomfort. There is often pain in the body when the body has been neglected or quieted for a prolonged period. I heard Meggan Watterson recently say that the feeling of being connected to her divine self was like honey running through her veins. What a beautiful way to describe the feeling of divinity when we choose to allow it.   

There is anxiety and depression when one’s life is out of alignment with one’s purpose. If we try to push these feelings aside as soon as they arise because they’re uncomfortable, we’re blatantly ignoring the message we’re receiving from God. This is the time to pay attention. 

Estes said the above quote in reference to when women used to help with child labor. The smell of the blood, the hands on care required for such a divine act; that to be in that experience was a direct connection with their own divine nature, a resource within. 

“She must be willing to feel anxious sometimes, otherwise she might as well have stayed in the nest.” - Estes