It was the third day of our breathwork weekend intensive and all of my stuff was stirred. A breathwork experience is like a long-time meditation practice or years of therapy in a 2-hour session. It’s the most effective holistic tool I’ve used to release trauma and repattern, but it requires a lot of safe space holding.
I had just enough time to grab a cup of coffee on the go since I didn’t get a chance to make it at home. We’d found out 36 hours before our dog Emma had a large mass on her liver so I spent any free time I had that morning providing her reiki. She rescued me, and she's really what this is all about.
It was 6:59 when I pulled in the drive through at Heine Bros, and there wasn't a soul in sight. To say I'm not a morning person puts it lightly. I took a deep breath and thought, I’ll just grab a cup at the Shell before hitting the interstate. Crisis averted.
As I walked through the door I saw a sign that read something about not accepting EBT cards, which I brushed off thinking, I have a credit card so that’s OK. When the cashier told me they were only accepting cash, which I didn’t have, I barked at her that her signs on the door were wrong.
I stomped out to the car to dig through my change drawer not even caring if I had enough to cover my medium cup, I wasn’t leaving there without it. Maybe I was even looking for a fight. As I came back in, I saw another sign that read CASH ONLY.
What in the world had gotten into me? I’d spent all weekend in this safe circle of people working toward living consciously and I just unleashed all over that Shell station and attendant.
So I sat to write about the anti-inflammatory properties of salt and the benefits of meditation, and thought, what bullshit. I want to evoke self-reflection. Whatever I googled brought me to this article by Gustavo Razzetti about our human design to be right all of the time.
The article linked to a TED Talk by self-proclaimed wrongologist Kathryn Shulz. Both authors shared the paralyzing effect of being right.
What on earth does this have to do with the Cave?
Meditation puts us in confrontation with our true selves. We are so quick to blame our surroundings or circumstances on what needs attention within us. Quieting the mind shines a light on what that is and oftentimes it’s really uncomfortable to feel.
I was so utterly wrong that Sunday morning when I reached outside of myself for a solution that lived internally. I really just needed space to fall apart, and I owe that woman at Shell an apology. I owe myself and those close to me more practice on practicing to be wrong, and the trust that they can hold me when I need to fall. Do you, too?
If you really want to discover wonder, you need to step outside of that tiny, terrified space of rightness…and be able to say… maybe I’m wrong. - Kathryn Shulz